4 Years ago I gave birth to you. I can’t believe it’s been four years since my world changed. You silently came into this world, you never cried, you never opened our eyes, you never got to take a breather but you were and will always be my first son. Those few hours we spent together will always be locked in my heart and memory. Singing to you, holding you, telling you I loved you.
Seeing your little hands and feet...So perfectly formed. One foot bigger than the other just like mine. Your squishy forehead was exactly the same as your daddy’s. Your hands and fingers just like your big sisters. So perfect and so small.
In the few precious hours we had we tried to show you a lifetime of love. It wasn’t enough time. There is so much more I wanted to show you, so much more I wish I could have said. I will never regret you. I will always be grateful that you were her, that I am your mummy, and always will be.
Your sisters, your baby brother embrace you and your memory. They know you and love you. You are as much a part of our family as they are. Paige includes you in all our family pictures, Geoffrey knows your name. Bri always says she has two brothers. I carry your feet on my back; your name is always on my lips. You are so much a part of our everyday lives.
Saying goodbye to you is the most single hardest thing I have ever done. The hardest thing i have ever had to survive. But I have. Your daddy and I would have done anything to save you, but i have learnt that sometimes love just isn’t enough.
Even though you aren’t in my arms you are still in my heart and mind and on my lips every day. Because of you I now help other mums like me. In my own way I try to make a difference for you. In your name I help others remember their babies. It’s for you and my family I keep going, even when grief threatens to take over. Because you never got to live your life, I will keep living mine...to hour you.
I love you my precious baby boy, always and forever
“I will carry you... all my life.... Through the empty cradle... through the coming years...” (Selah)
Thisis the song we played at your memorial service and I play it every year for you.
Today we celebrated with balloons, bubbles, cake . WE hope you like your new teenage mutant ninja turtles and minion! your borther and sisters made you cards as well as the ones from mummy and daddy. xxx